Lead balloons, black dogs and being extra

YOU can’t see it. 

But you can feel the black dog chasing you. 

Part of your life’s strategy is to get on with things.  

Make them happen. 

Then one day you wake up and the pull of your universe’s motivational gravity just drops.

Ton of bricks. 

A lead balloon you can’t pop.

Like a grain of salt, your positivity is peppered in the cracks, trying to take hold of the light that peeks through. 

Will you catch it? 

We are told we are ENOUGH. 

Gosh, we tell ourselves most days we are enough, hoping the repetition will teach an old gal new tricks. 

Enough is exhausting. Even as you say ENOUGH the vibration is tiresome.  

Why do we settle for enough when we can be EXTRA? 

Being EXTRA is not a negative word and is more than chewing gum. 

We need to be saying EXTRA more often. 

We are EXTRA, kind, lovely, funny, brave, brilliant, strong, smart and beautiful. 

YES we want an XL serving of ice cream and it's okay to wear the XL and not the small. 

Extra is the invitation to discover more of who we are. 

Enough is settling . Extra is telling us to take up space. 

I struggle with who I am and who I want to be, 

It is my greatest divide. 

But how do I cross? 

I am comfortable with who I am most days. But am I content? 

There are days where my rage and sadness bubbles just below the surface. Some days I feel it may be what is building the bridge to cross the great divide.

Why do I care so much?

What do I have to prove? 

Who do I need to impress? 

Where Am I going?

When will I stop stifling my own growth? 

The façade is falling. The mask can no longer hide that the answer lies in me.

Perhaps I don’t have to cross the great divide.

Maybe there is another path to forge.

Perhaps I will find a balloon not made of lead, but hot air lifting me higher.

Less fear of black dogs chasing me and more birds of a feather helping me take flight.