The inside out woman: The never-ending work load

The laundry load. The dishwashing load. The cleaning load. The school load.

The cooking load. Are the children okay load?  The bills load.  

The grocery load. The driving around load. The gardening load.

The entertaining load. Why are there so many miscellaneous loads?

The scheduling appointments load. The gift buying load. The work load.

The mother load. The woman load. Impossible loads to carry.  

Looking at this list makes me feel like I am a control freak. But I am not. I am a woman.  That’s our job, right? Take control of everyday situations and routines?

I am an over thinking woman. The thoughts and worries I put out each day could power every household in my neighbourhood – talk about renewable energy.

Most days I love being a woman. But recently I have been thinking about all the roles we play, in our increasingly busy lives. How we give so much of ourselves to our families, partners, careers, and others.  Like my patience it is spread thin.

How we take on all the invisible loads, that let’s face not all men are aware of, is nothing short of miraculous, but to the detriment of our inner peace.

There is this expectation that we will lighten the load, sort the load, and take care of the load. Just another piece, we give away, hoping that it will be returned to feel whole again.

What’s one more load to the list – we are so good at it, aren’t we?

Women are bending over backwards and turning themselves inside out for their families and loved ones. But the domestic load isn’t equal, especially when women decide to become mothers.

There is this change, a shift in perception, that women will pick up the duties, that in many cases before children were shared with their partners.

What I struggle with is this belief, that women are here to serve, make others comfortable and prove themselves time and time again.

But haven’t we proved who we are?

There are days, where being a woman, can be so lonely and consuming it is the loudest noise.

Recently I have felt both busy and bored at the same time – I can also feel happy and sad- minutes between each feeling. It is scary how time can play the cruelest joke.

There have been moments where resentment has filled the cracks where I am breaking- making my blood boil and heart tighten.

You want to talk about it, but you think what’s the point? I can do it take it my stride?

But the thing is, there will come a time when we won’t be able to carry all the loads, because we will be buried under them.

And we will blame ourselves for that too.

Yes, there are time when we want to throw in the towel of our responsibilities and duties, then we realise we already have enough laundry to do.

Women are complex creatures; we can see things before they happen. We are prepared for the worst and still surprised by it all.

Women are strong, and have made multi -tasking a sport, but we need to find the art in single tasking.

Women lead with their big hearts, but very rarely find a moment to hear the beat of it.

We are overwhelmed and underwhelmed, and it ironically happens at the same time.

We know the loads we have in life and the cycles they take place in. But that doesn’t mean we have to keep living the pattern.

I think we often forget is we can put a load down, maybe not forever, but maybe in time to feel strong again.

There are no gold stars, for pride, but there are for those of us who speak up and say- ‘I can’t do it all- carry this load.’

Big love Fallon xoxo